| Stole from Nathan...
Chuck Norris actually co-wrote the multi-platinum album "Thriller" with Michael Jackson. However, after Jackson began hogging all the young boys that they would invite over to the studio, Norris became enraged. In retaliation, he delivered two incredibly powerful roundhouse kicks to Jackson. One hit him in the face, permanently fucking it up. The second hit him in the genitals so hard that he became a woman. Between the two, they both managed to knock the "black" right out of him. Both Norris and Jackson still enjoy molesting young boys.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." |
